


Walking Away

by spun809



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Almost AU, Angst, Breakups, Dean's POV, F/M, Implied Smut, Pregnant Reader, Sad, Sam's dead, Set after season 5, but not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-11-21 19:24:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11364024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spun809/pseuds/spun809
Summary: Dean decides that he can’t stay with the reader because he ruins everything he touches.





	Walking Away

**Author's Note:**

> This is set after Season 5, with the reader basically replacing Lisa

Dean stared at her, her body moving softly up and down with each inhale and exhale of her breath. Even in the darkness, there was a certain light that seemed to shine from her body as she laid there next to him. His fingers clenched, there was a deep desire inside of him to reach out and run his hand over the smooth skin of her arm but he knew that he had touched enough for the night, he didn’t deserve any more of her, not with what he was planning to do. Pushing himself out of the bed he did his best to move slowly, the last thing he wanted was to wake her.

“I’m sorry baby,” he spoke as he dressed himself and slowly went to creep out of the door.

He had bought her the house she had found in the suburbs months ago. It was in a place so far away from their lives as hunters, that for a while even Dean himself thought that maybe the monsters couldn’t touch them there.

He forgot that the problem was never really ghosts, djinn, or demons. It was the fact that every time he looked in a mirror he wanted to punch the glass, watch it crack and destroy the broken haunted eyes that looked back at him ever since he had lost Sammy. He was a weak man, with a habit of sucking anything good and pure dry, leaving nothing left but a husk in his wake. Now his brother was gone and he was getting ready to abandon the only person innocent enough to love a Winchester and expect nothing in return.

There was a part of him that knew why he had called her up after he had watched Sam fall into that pit, it was because he couldn’t stand the idea of being alone with himself, but as the time kept creeping by he knew that he was being selfish. Forcing this person, who was stronger, braver, who cared so deeply for everyone she met, to pick up the slack for the love he couldn’t return. It was only in his weakened state that he had been so desperate to finally let her love in. To allow her to be the one to try and prop him back up when he felt too weak to do it himself.

“Babe, it’s going to be ok,” she had said as she held his hand as she turned the key in the door and let themselves into their new life.

For a while, he had even believed that.

Then he thought of the last time they had made love, it had been slow and soft, his eyes had connected with hers, and he could feel the gentle scrape of her short nails against his shoulders. In the shallow pant of her breath, he could hear the desperation that was building for the two of them to become one person, one being together, but Dean broke. Unable to control his own passion, he spilled inside her before she was even close to her peak, and all he could do was roll off of her as she turned her head towards the pillow and started to cry.

He knew, that she knew, things were over, it was broken between them.

“Baby,” he didn’t roll towards her as he spoke, and he was met with silence, “Y/N, please just talk to me.” He knew he should give her space, time to calm down, but again he couldn’t help but be selfish.

There was a gruff sound as she cleared the tears that were caught deep in her throat, “I’m fine hon, promise.”

It was that promise that made him certain that now was the time to leave. He knew in those simple words that it wasn’t a lie, she would always be ok, fine, no matter what he did or how he treated her, she would love him regardless. It was for that exact reason he knew he couldn’t keep putting her through this.

It was breaking his heart to creep out of his own home in the middle of the night like some deadbeat father, which another shiver ran through him, at the thought that basically, that’s exactly what he was going to be. Sure, he knew that the kid hadn’t even been born yet, but he also knew that he was the kind of man that was sure to make John Winchester look like father of the year with his own parenting abilities.

It would devastate her at first. He could picture it in his mind perfectly, in the morning the light would begin to fall over her face, and she would raise her hand in a futile effort to brush the sunlight out of her eyes. She would nuzzle her face into the pillow and one of her arms would reach out to touch him, then her hands would brush against nothing but the soft cotton of their sheets and she would jump up, all sleepiness forgotten, and tear through the house searching for him.

He knew she would eventually find the note, the one he had pinned up conveniently to the fridge, and she would stand there reading it. Knowing that she would believe that there was a mistake, that it was some plot from some evil creature, a shapeshifter or something, that had found them and taken him.

Y/N, 

 

Remember the day we met? How you had cut that vamp down so easily while Sammy and I stood back in total awe of you? I do. You looked beautiful that day, it was hard to believe someone so delicate looking could do battle with a creature like that and not even break a sweat. You were the only girl I could ever picture myself with.

I had to leave, I know you aren’t going to understand this right now, but I swear this is what is going to be for the best. Everything my life touches turns to shit, I want more for you, more for our baby, than this. You deserve so much better than what I can give you.

This life, this house, you know I would never be able to do this for long.

I’m sorry I can’t be the man you need,   
Dean

P.S.

Don’t try and find me, I’ll be long gone by the time you read this

He could remember the words that he had written out perfectly. It was true, every single word was exactly what he had meant to say and he knew it was going to break her heart, at first. He also knew that it was true, she didn’t need to get drug back into the world of monsters and demons with a tiny baby in toe and eventually, as a Winchester, he knew it would happen.

All he could do was try and comfort this imaginary version of Y/N in his mind.

“Sweetheart, you’re better off, ok?” He would say.

“Dean, how could you do this,” she would ask, tears glistening in her Y/E/C eyes.

“Your both stronger without me, you’ll see.”

“We were family, I thought family stuck together,” she would reply.

Even in his mind, he could see the fight that would start to build in her, first, it would be in the harsh tone of her voice, and then it would be in the way she would position her feet and clench her fists at her side. He laughed a little to himself at the thought, her belly swollen and her grinding her teeth at him, looking like a tiger getting ready to pounce.

The sound of his own laughter caught him off guard and snapped him back to the moment. Here right now, the sun was still asleep, moonlight the only thing around to keep him company. He was paused with his hand around the metal of the door knob, hesitating at pulling it open, and waiting to step into the night. His duffle was next to his feet on the floor and he quickly hefted it onto his shoulder again. Readying himself for what he was about to do.

Refusing to look back, he marched forward, he had the keys to the Impala clutched in his fist. The car was hidden in the garage, and when he pulled back the tarp that had been keeping her clean of dust, he realized that this was the only family he was only ever going to truly have. This piece of metal and the remainder of his life on the road with his dad and Sam. That the sleeping figure in the house, that could only ever be safe in his dreams, not here in his car traveling down the highway.

The engine purred as he turned the keys but his heart didn’t skip a beat at the sound like it normally did. He wanted to jump out, run back to her, tear up his note and pretend like he had never had the crazy thought to leave her.

“I love you, baby,” he said to no one in particular, it might have even sounded to a stranger like he was talking to his own car.

He knew as he pushed the gear into drive and pressed on the gas peddle he had committed. His love was a disease, a sickness that leeched into everything, he didn’t deserve her. At least that is what he kept repeating in an effort to force himself not to turn the car around. He said it for miles, that turned into minutes, that turned into hours before he finally realized he wasn’t going to go back.

He realized just how much of them was wasted now. It was time to start over. The sun was just starting to climb on the horizon, and he urged the car to go a little faster knowing that it was just about now that Y/N would be waking up alone.


End file.
